Archives – Real Astrology

When the tide is coming in, the creek I live next to flows vigorously toward the south. When the tide’s going out, the water reverses its course and heads swiftly north. Every day, there’s an in-between time when the creek seems confused. Some currents creep south and others slink north, while here and there eddies […]

There’s one ultimate goal during sex, says Cosmopolitan magazine, a renowned source of erotic guidance for women. That is “to be as sensually stimulated as possible.” I don’t quite agree with that assessment. Having emotionally pleasing fun should also be an important consideration, as well as creating a playful ambiance and invoking spiritual grace. But […]

(1) People with tough times ahead: Donald N. Duck, 51 (arrested for DUI, Massillon, Ohio, June). Lord Jesus Christ, 50 (pedestrian injury, Northampton, Mass., May). Tara Wang (marrying Austin DeCock in Moorhead, Minn., in October). (2) Police saw them coming: Jerry Dick, 46 (pleaded guilty to indecent exposure, Greensboro, N.C., August). Kermit Butts, 26 (arrested […]

In fifth grade I was in love with Calley, who was the by far prettiest girl in the school. Sadly, she didn’t return my affection, so I had to be content with adoring her from afar. Eventually I moved away and lost touch. Since then I’ve wondered if she suffered the fate that befalls too […]

Scottish scientists decided to see if they could find evidence for the existence of the Loch Ness monster. They took a research submarine down into the murky depths, scanning with sonar. The prehistoric creature was nowhere in sight, but a surprising discovery emerged: Thousands of golf balls litter the bottom of the loch, presumably because […]

In the weeks ahead, Libra, you’re going to be tested on your follow-through. People will want you to work harder on what has previously come fairly easily. You will be pressured to make good on your promises; you’ll be asked to refine the details that are central to the success of the good new ideas […]

Scientists have discovered an exotic animal that feeds on the bones of dead whales lying on the ocean floor. Known informally as the bone-eating snot-flower worm, it looks like a frilly pink plume growing up out of sheer bone. Believe it or not, Sagittarius, you could take a cue from this creature in the coming […]

If you’re strong enough there are no precedents, said novelist F. Scott Fitzgerald. I think that describes you in the immediate future, Scorpio. I bet you won’t have to answer to ghosts or pay homage to the way things have always been done. You’ll be free to ignore icons that the conventional wisdom idolizes, and […]

I have good intuition about fate’s general trends, but I don’t think of myself as psychic when it comes to foreseeing specific events. I’ve never been able to predict winning lottery numbers, for example. But lately I’m wondering if that’s changing. I seem to be developing a knack for prognosticating certain sports events. For example, […]

During one phase of my life, I walked a mile five days a week to get to a bus stop. On the last stretch of the journey, I had to pass a shabby house next to a vacant lot. On the porch was a German shepherd, always unchained and in a state of irritation. After […]