In a case of having cake and eating it, too, one thoroughly repellent character refers to women as, among other things, “fish buckets,” “dumb twits” and “meat holes.” When he’s not referring to them as a whole, he zeroes in on certain parts of their anatomy, which he pegs as “piss flaps.” And yes, the […]
boobs
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Total Recall: Mind-Bending Edition
Join him, won’t you? Before the Colin Farrell/Kate Beckinsale remake opens next week, take a return trip to the 1990 blockbuster with Lionsgate’s new “Mind-Bending Edition” on Blu-ray. And if you’ve never seen the sci-fi hit, then — to quote another character — “Get ready for a surprise!” (Oh, there are more classic lines to […]
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ATM / Brake
I’m beginning to think Chris Sparling is trying to carve a screenwriting career as the Tight, Enclosed Spaces Guy. First, he put Ryan Reynolds in a coffin for the entirety of Buried. Now, he’s trapped three young co-workers (played by Men in Black 3‘s Alice Eve, The Hurt Locker‘s Brian Geraghty and The Wackness‘ Josh […]
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Best Laid Plans
Subbing as the British film’s George and Lenny are, respectively, drugged-out thug Danny (Stephen Graham, Al Capone in TV’s Boardwalk Empire) and mentally handicapped giant Joseph (Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, TV’s Lost). The former enrolls the latter against his will in unregulated MMA scuffles for quick paydays. Danny and Joseph are friends out of necessity, depending upon […]
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Chesty Morgan’s Bosom Buddies
Now that that’s, um, out of the way, let’s dive into the new triple-feature Blu-ray, Chesty Morgan’s Bosom Buddies, from pioneering sexploitation director Doris Wishman and the cult-film gods at Something Weird Video. For fans of really whacked-out movies, it’s one of the year’s few must-own discs. Busting out of the box first is […]
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The Disco Exorcist
Opening with a disclaimer that the producers have no memory of making the motion picture, the indie feature obviously revels in that era of exploitation, immediately passing itself off as a ’70s no-budget, B-horror pic as authentically as it can: heavily embedded grain and scratches, a couple of “SHOT MISSING” frames, reel-to-reel tape decks, lava […]
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Breast intentions
It’s not unusual for pregnant women to feel less than beautiful, and Oklahoma City artist Kelly Brinkmeyer was no exception. During her pregnancy in 2007, she channeled this frustration and killed two birds with one stone: learning to love her body while creating art — some nudity required. It was a hot July day when […]
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Strip Strip Hooray!
If you’ve seen one of these black-and-white oddities, you’ve seen them all, whether or not they’re included here. I challenge even the most patient among you to sit through all half-dozen. Even with breaks, I’m not certain it can be done without cracking. Title notwithstanding, striptease is just a part of the proceedings, with pure-vanilla […]
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Dark Tide
In South Africa, Berry (New Year’s Eve) unconvincingly plays Kate, a shark expert and pro diver reduced to running ship tours for tourists, however few there are, after more or less turning one of her fellow divers to chum a year beforehand. Guilt keeps her from getting back into dangerous waters until her old flame, […]
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Night Wolf / Hidden
Werewolves are hot right now, but you wouldn’t know it from Night Wolf, a howlingly average and predictable British entry that sadly marks the final film of Simon MacCorkindale, ’80s star of TV’s Manimal and the misbegotten Jaws 3-D. The plot plops a bunch of slackers in a dark and empty family farmhouse on the […]