After unpacking his prized oldest obsidian mirror, Jacob inadvertently allows a time-traveling cowboy to cross over into our world, landing right smack in his barn. The cowboy, Phelan (Jonnie Hurn, The Zombie Diaries), is actually a hundreds-year-old vampire, not to mention one who makes references to The Shining, Army of Darkness and, um, City Slickers. […]
boobs
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Americano
Jetting to Los Angeles where she lived — and where he grew up for a few years until his father took him back to France, and where he hasn’t visited for five years — Martin plans on a quick trip to sign paperwork and put her condominium on the market. He doesn’t count on his […]
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Rites of Passage
It concerns a group of party-hearty students at the University in Santa Barbara — that’s right: in, not of, per the opening scrawl — taking a field trip to a burial ground of the Chumash Indians, a tribe evidently known for shape-shifting and downing toxic, hallucinatory flower tea. Along with much sexual activity and drug […]
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The Tortured
That said, I’m a big boy. I can take it. That’s my way of saying I kind of dug the evil game it plays, mammoth faults and all, because how often does that happen? Having a child kidnapped is something I hope never to experience, yet that’s the premise behind this nasty little thriller, which […]
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Weird-Noir
In true B-programmer form, let’s run through each with sterling efficiency: Girl on the Run (1953) This may be the only noir set at a carnival with a burlesque show featuring a tummy-rifiic dancer in a Catwoman mask. In fact, I’m counting on it. Cops are there searching for Bill Martin (Richard Coogan, TV’s Captain […]
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For a Good Time, Call …
If you bet that means a lot of one-liners about penises and vaginas, and maybe some sight gags involving zeppelin-sized dildos, I congratulate you on your clairvoyance. But there are surprises here, too, particularly how sweet-natured this film actually is, and how winning are its two stars. Lauren (Lauren Anne Miller, 50/50), the straitlaced product […]
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Karate-Robo Zaborgar
As silly as it is satisfying, the Sushi Typhoon serving is both an update and a spoof of a live-action kiddie series from the 1970s, à la Ultraman, so the approach is both reverent and respectfully raunchy (think The Brady Bunch Movie). It’s about the love story between a man named Daimon (Yasuhisa Furuhara) and […]
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Sweet Kill
Available exclusively from Shout! Factory’s online store, the Roger Corman production suggests that the sexual hang-ups of high school coach Eddie Collins (Hunter, Grease 2) are to blame on him watching his mom undress to her birthday suit when he was just a sneaker-wearing child sneaking peeks from her curtained closet. Which she knew. Discount […]
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Piranha 3DD
It is there in the prologue where two former Okies (Gary Busey and Clu Gulager) and a farting dead cow get the party started, sending hatched baby piranha to Merkin County, Ariz. — a joke that should calibrate you with the movie’s wavelength … as if the bra-size title didn’t do that already. (I’d like […]
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It’s a TV-on-DVD summer spectacular!
Breaking Bad: The Complete Fourth Season If Breaking Bad‘s current fifth and final season goes south (not bloody likely), at least season four delivers a climax that could have serves as a satisfying serious closer, were it not renewed. But it was, and no wonder: Bryan Cranston may have the tube’s richest character arc, as […]