Oh, well. At least it’s finally available on Blu-ray, so I can ditch the MGM burned-on-demand DVD (an overdue 2011 release that finally allowed me to ditch my VHS — Google it, kids). Any Dolph Lundgren fan worth his weight in protein powder knows how welcome this high-def release from Shout! Factory is. In a […]
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Posted inArts & Culture
Femme Fatales: The Complete Second Season
This second batch of episodes, 12 in all on two DVDs, seems more confident than Femme‘s freshman outing, even if story quality remains wildly varied. Tanit Phoenix (Safe House) hosts the proceedings, with scenarios that include: • a comic-book heroine, • time-traveling clones, • noir-drenched detectives • and so much moaning. For every leaden dud […]
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The Call
Halle Berry (Cloud Atlas) leads the show as Jordan Turner, a veteran 911 operator in Los Angeles. (If anything, she should dial 911 for help with her distracting hairdo.) In the prologue, she’s giving questionable advice to a girl who calls about a prowler, resulting in the teen’s death. Six months later, Jordan is still […]
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Parker
Based on Parker novel No. 19, Flashfire, the film puts Expendables team member Jason Statham in a role previously played by, among others, Mel Gibson in Payback, Robert Duvall in The Outfit and even Jim Brown in The Split. Parker is a criminal, but the “good” kind: He doesn’t steal from those who can’t afford […]
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Mold!
Opening with President Reagan’s infamous crack speech, the 1984-set Mold! unfolds in a secret facility deep within the Arizona desert. Scientists there have spent two years of funding on developing a strain of mold (they call it “stacky mort” to shorten its long, boring name) as an ecological weapon to destroy the Colombians’ drug fields […]
Posted inNews
Crossing a line
Now, you are letting advertisers get away with it. The Ruff Life ad recently read, “When life gives you titties, milk them for all they’re worth.” If this is appropriate for a rag that has a wide readership and is easily picked up by children, then why do you have editors? I used to advertise […]
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Stitches
The title refers to the booze-soaked, foul-mouthed, likely STD-infected clown (British stand-up comedian Ross Noble) who meets an early, accidental demise while performing at an only child’s 10th birthday party. Because that’s what happens when kids tie your shoelaces together, causing you to trip and fall face-first into the butcher knife left precariously pointing upward […]
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The Collection
Those who haven’t seen the original film are urged to do so before diving into this sequel. It begins where its predecessor ended, and try as the opening credits might, they fail to adequately acclimate any newcomers, who may be lost. Not that the new film is deep or complex. It does, however, work best […]
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Big Tits Zombie
But I’ll give you several dozen more. Aoi plays Lena Jodo, the illiterate, chain-saw-wielding stripper heroine at the center of this unapologetic celebration of arterial spray and areola. As her club is being shut down, she and her fellow entertainers … wait, what’s that? I’m boring you? Apologies. How’s this instead: an old Asian midget, […]
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The Apparition
This is the real estate conundrum vexing the cute couple at the tell-tale heart of The Apparition, Ben (Sebastian Stan, Captain America: The First Avenger) and Kelly (Ashley Greene, The Twilight Saga). It’s all because, unbeknownst to his beaut beau, Ben took active part in a paranormal psychology experiment headed by a fellow student (Tom […]