Reunited with his Piranha screenwriter John Sayles, Dante spins a suspenseful, spooky and spoofy tale of TV anchorman Karen White (E.T. mom Dee Wallace in her best role), ordered by her psychiatrist (Patrick Macnee, TV’s The Avengers) to take some time off following a traumatic, near-death experience that has left her with amnesia. Said sojourn […]
extras
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The Burning
(Granted, hearing future Seinfeld sidekick Alexander talk about spermicide is memorable, too. Seeing his bare behind on a high-definition Blu-ray, however, is something I’d like to forget.) In the prologue, Cropsy (Lou David, The Gumball Rally) is a caretaker at Camp Blackfoot. One night, a few kids have the bright idea to “scare the shit out […]
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Texas Chainsaw
“This is the true sequel,” Texas Chainsaw asserts. To prove it, the first three minutes serve as a Reader’s Digest encapsulation of the original before picking up right where it left off. Leatherface (Dan Yeager) and the surviving members of his Sawyer clan come under siege by an angry redneck squad of vengeance. In the […]
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Captain America: Collector’s Edition
As you know by now, it didn’t. If you managed not to catch it in its long-delayed VHS debut in 1993 — or the burn-on-demand DVD released in 2011 just to piggyback off the big-budget, blockbuster Captain America: The First Avenger — now you can see it the best it’s ever been and likely ever […]
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Police Story / Police Story 2
It’s the next one that does. Fast-forward at least a decade later. In college, a friend showed me a VHS tape of an episode of The Incredibly Strange Film Show, a British documentary miniseries. Chan was that ep’s subject, and clips from 1985’s Police Story — and maybe even 1988’s Police Story 2, if memory […]
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The Big Boss / Fist of Fury / The Way of the Dragon / Game of Death
The first two, I forever have confused and will continue to confuse with one another. Both are directed by Lo Wei and boast cartoonish credit sequences. But only one includes flying dogs, and that’s The Big Boss (also known as Fists of Fury, plural, to further complicate things). That film has him uncovering a murderous […]
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[REC] 3: Genesis
Despite the subtitle, it’s not really a prequel. Ingeniously presented as a cheesy wedding video, complete with menu and photo montage, the film documents the nuptials of Clara (Leticia Dolera) and Koldo (Diego Martín), and the subsequent country-club reception that gives new meaning to “blow-out.” At some point deep into the dance-party portion of the […]
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What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?: Anniversary Edition
Both sibs are former stars. Baby Jane (Davis) was a child star, “the diminutive dancing Duse from Duluth” who entertained vaudeville audiences until she could no longer get away with a spoiled brat. Blanche (Crawford) became a leading lady of the silver screen later in life, but her glory waned long ago. Now, Blanche is […]
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Extra! Extra!
That’s right. Kevin Durant will depict Kevin Durant in said film, previously titled “Switch.” The plotline, from an earlier press release: “A fun and energetic family basketball movie starring Kevin Durant AS HIMSELF, a basketball star who switches talent with a klutzy 14 year old fan. When Brian, a hopelessly uncoordinated young fan magically switches […]