Oh, well. At least it’s finally available on Blu-ray, so I can ditch the MGM burned-on-demand DVD (an overdue 2011 release that finally allowed me to ditch my VHS — Google it, kids). Any Dolph Lundgren fan worth his weight in protein powder knows how welcome this high-def release from Shout! Factory is. In a […]
extras
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Disorderlies
While most of it is my fault, I like to take comfort in the idea that I was doomed from the get-go: • Blame a Depression-era father who forced me to clean my plate through shame and guilt.• Blame a public school free-lunch system that taught gravy as a food group.• Blame cable television for being so […]
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Oblivion
In 2077, post-nuclear war, Earth is largely uninhabitable, sending survivors to live on one of Saturn’s moons. Cruise’s Jack Harper cruises the skies over the former New York City to guard giant water-sucking machines from attacks. He’s aided in his daily missions by the watchful eye of Victoria (Andrea Riseborough, Disconnect), who works behind a […]
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The Kentucky Fried Movie
Nothing more than a collection of roughly two dozen unrelated sketches, The Kentucky Fried Movie succeeds most at skewering its own medium: American commercial cinema. Fake trailers mock the exploitation fads of the era with Cleopatra Schwartz (blaxploitation), That’s Armageddon (disaster movies) and Catholic High School Girls in Trouble (youth sex films); they’re so dead-on, […]
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The Incredible Melting Man
TIMM (for short) continues his head-ripping rampage, leaving Geiger-equipped Dr. Ted Nelson (Burr DeBenning) to follow the putrid piles of the grubby, brown-red pus he drips everywhere, not to mention the occasional ear or eyeball. Basically, TIMM looks like he is using a Little Caesars Hot-N-Ready as a face mask. The movie is one of […]
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Enter the Dragon: 40th Anniversary Ultimate Collector’s Edition
With this, director Robert Clouse made what is easily Bruce Lee’s finest film (and then proceeded to follow it up with a never-ending string of schlock). While Lee is technically one point of a heroic triangle — with A Nightmare on Elm Street’s John Saxon and blaxploitation icon Jim Kelly being the others — let’s […]
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National Lampoon’s Vacation: 30th Anniversary Edition
Although I much would prefer a theatrical re-release or a fourth Vacation sequel, Warner Bros. celebrates the Griswold family’s inaugural cinematic sojourn with a 30th-anniversary Blu-ray edition. Think about it: Christie Brinkley and Beverly D’Angelo in high-definition; the 12-year-old me would have wept horny tears of joy. Then still beloved by the public, Chevy Chase […]
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Sadako 3D
This time, that creepy, crawling girl with the stringy black hair known as Sadako (Ai Hashimoto) comes not through TV sets, but computer and smartphone screens. The cursed VHS tape is now a cursed video clip of a live suicide, and anyone who views it immediately kills himself or herself. Well, anyone except pretty, young […]
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Dark Skies
The first sci-fi-heavy effort from Blumhouse Productions, that mighty machine of menace that brought you the Paranormal Activity pictures, the film focuses on the Barrett family. Lacy (Keri Russell, TV’s The Americans) is a Realtor; Daniel (Josh Hamilton, J. Edgar) is an architect, but currently unemployed in the midst of the Great Recession. Because of […]
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Identity Thief
Yes, it’s stupid. But it stars Jason Bateman, one of the scant few actors currently working who can turn the otherwise throwaway line “The fuck you are” into a genuine laugh. Recently seen showing his dramatic side in Disconnect, Bateman reunites with Horrible Bosses director Seth Gordon as Sandy Patterson, a Denver family man whose […]