After having a brain tumor removed, Sister Gertrude hasn’t been the same. She thinks she still has cancer and cries out for a shot filled with sweet, sweet morphine. The doctors at the psych ward where she works assure her that her thoughts are simply stress-induced and psychosomatic, but Gertrude’s much-younger roomie, Sister Mathieu (Paola […]
horror
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Night Wolf / Hidden
Werewolves are hot right now, but you wouldn’t know it from Night Wolf, a howlingly average and predictable British entry that sadly marks the final film of Simon MacCorkindale, ’80s star of TV’s Manimal and the misbegotten Jaws 3-D. The plot plops a bunch of slackers in a dark and empty family farmhouse on the […]
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Kill
Well, yes, but no. The concept of Kill is similar; the execution, the polar opposite. Reportedly, this single-setting project was shot in 2004, but only just now seeing DVD release because it “has been recovered from a crashed server.” Regardless of truth, that story is more compelling and suspenseful than the whole flick. All clad […]
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Splintered
If that sounds like a familiar trope, how about another? Like, say, a killing on such a spree that it requires tracking via a complex wall map peppered with thumbtacks, Post-it Notes, newspaper clippings. There are more, from scenes of terror that turn out to be dreams, to nocturnal campground “didja hear that?” exchanges. This […]
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Creature
It’s not like first-time director Fred M. Andrews doesn’t know what he’s doing — he opens Creature with a page straight from the Roger Corman playbook: bare breasts. I’m not sure why this particular full-frontal female chooses to swim in a swamp, but it means her death by alligator attack. Nearly every turn of the […]
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The Burning Moon
Not for nothing does its cover brazenly warn, “Uncut. Uncensored. Unconscionable.” Chances are you’d agree with all three, but the average person isn’t likely even to complete its trailer. Shot on video, “The Burning Moon” is not only a gorehound’s delight, but a German gorehound’s delight. To put it another way: those with framed covers […]
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Baba Yaga
Based upon the erotic comics of Guido Crepax, the film focuses on Valentina (Isabelle De Funès), a nudie-art photographer/pixie who’s almost run over late one night by a mysterious, black-veiled older woman (Carroll Baker, “Giant,” “The Carpetbaggers”), who claims their meeting is preordained, steals a garter clip for the day and warns her not to […]
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The Human Centipede II (Full Sequence)
Well, readers, welcome to the “much worse.” Turns out that when writer/director Tom Six promoted his original film by saying the sequel would make it look like “My Little Pony“ by comparison, that wasn’t just a good sound bite. “Human Centipede II (Full Sequence)” makes its big brother look positively innocent. To Six’s credit, he […]
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The Dead
Your expectations for greatness, however, should be tempered. Despite a few surface tweaks, “The Dead” is just zom-business as usual. Shot and set in the West African desert, the film’s hero is U.S. Air Force Lt. Murphy (Rob Freeman, “Saving Private Ryan”), the lone survivor of a plane crash now stranded in a wasteland that’s […]
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The Devil’s Rock
The structure is “The Devil’s Rock” of this New Zealand fantasy’s title. Inside, they meet a representative of their Nazi enemy, Col. Meyer (Matthew Sunderland) who warns them of the shrieking woman’s voice they hear. Halfway into the film, when we finally see why: She’s hot! See, the imprisoned woman looks just like Capt. Grogan’s […]