In her third horror remake within as many years, Jaime King (My Bloody Valentine 3D, Mother’s Day) stars as Aubrey Bradimore, a crossword-loving sheriff’s deputy forced to work on Christmas Eve — in particular, the annual Santa parade. She lives in a dreary small town where nothing really happens, but she’s in luck: There’s a […]
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Perry Mason Mysteries: The Original Warner Bros. Movies Collection
But curiosity is curiosity, and interest is interest, so when Warner Archive issued an MOD DVD set of them in Perry Mason Mysteries: The Original Warner Bros. Movies Collection, I just had to check it out, your honor. Warren William (who also played another famous detective, Philo Vance, for the big screen) stars as the […]
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Creep Van
For his sophomore effort, director Scott W. Mackinlay has reassembled much of his cast and crew from 2006’s Gag, including Brian Kolodziej, who takes the driver’s sear as Campbell, a young man forced to accept a lowly gig at a car wash after being fired from a grocery store for stealing porno magazines they don’t […]
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Bigfoot County
In li’l ol’ Siskiyou County, Calif., Bigfoot has been sighted 913 times in the last 25 years — so states the opening crawl of this found-footage film. Although the sought target is different, Bigfoot County copies The Blair Witch Project story template to a near T, what with sticks, tent rattling, heavy breathing at night […]
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A Vampire’s Tale
After unpacking his prized oldest obsidian mirror, Jacob inadvertently allows a time-traveling cowboy to cross over into our world, landing right smack in his barn. The cowboy, Phelan (Jonnie Hurn, The Zombie Diaries), is actually a hundreds-year-old vampire, not to mention one who makes references to The Shining, Army of Darkness and, um, City Slickers. […]
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Painted Skin: The Resurrection
Five hundred years ago, a fox demon (Xun Zhou, Cloud Atlas) was imprisoned in the ice. Five hundred years later, she is freed, is nursed back to health, and wants to be human, yet has a heart hot enough to melt ice. This being an Asian epic fantasy, that doesn’t strike the other characters as […]
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Kill ’Em All
Then, Saw-style, eight of them wake up locked in a dingy warehouse room dubbed The Killing Chamber, where hit men are taken to die. All of them are assassins, but only one will be allowed to leave after rounds and rounds of glorious mortal combat. So says Snakehead (Gordon Liu, the ’70s martial-arts superstar experiencing […]
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Big Tits Zombie
But I’ll give you several dozen more. Aoi plays Lena Jodo, the illiterate, chain-saw-wielding stripper heroine at the center of this unapologetic celebration of arterial spray and areola. As her club is being shut down, she and her fellow entertainers … wait, what’s that? I’m boring you? Apologies. How’s this instead: an old Asian midget, […]
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With Great Power …: The Stan Lee Story
But no household name has led a life devoid of conflict and drama, and the three-director doc skirts over those portions, because I assume this project was made with the subject’s full approval. It is — pardon my French — one ass-kisser of a career retrospective. To give credit where credit is due, Lee truly […]
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The Apparition
This is the real estate conundrum vexing the cute couple at the tell-tale heart of The Apparition, Ben (Sebastian Stan, Captain America: The First Avenger) and Kelly (Ashley Greene, The Twilight Saga). It’s all because, unbeknownst to his beaut beau, Ben took active part in a paranormal psychology experiment headed by a fellow student (Tom […]