You aren’t likely to read a review of The Black Water Vampire that doesn’t reference The Blair Witch Project, and there’s good reason: That 1999 smash’s fingerprints are all over this found-footage effort, to the point that I could show you select stills from both and you wouldn’t be able to tell which belongs to […]
witch
Posted inArts & Culture
V/H/S/2
With one fewer segment than the original, this stack of mo’ lo-fi tales of taped terror opens with no credits — just the wraparound story of two private investigators searching for a college student missing for a week. Their gig takes them to his house, where in front of a bank of TVs, littered VHS […]
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Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters
Granted, that title tells you everything you need to know. Armed with steampunk weaponry and high-gloss camp, siblings Hansel (Jeremy Renner, The Bourne Legacy) and Gretel (Gemma Arterton, Clash of the Titans) have devoted their lives to dispatching witches. In the case of this film, their current target is one (Famke Janssen, Taken 2) responsible […]
Posted inArts & Culture
The Wicked
As soon as its wonderful animated opening credits finish, however, The Wicked reveals its true nature as your below-average, everyday, unimaginative horror movie. It’s wicked, all right — just not in the word’s positive connotation. Although not to be confused with the Broadway smash Wicked, this flick also is about a witch (Cassie Keller, Hostel: Part […]
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Hansel & Gretel: Warriors of Witchcraft
Another: H&G: WOW is directed by David DeCoteau, whose dirt-cheap filmography includes 1313: Giant Killer Bees! (exclamation theirs), Test Tube Teens from the Year 2000 and the forthcoming A Talking Cat!?! (exclamations and question mark theirs). In this flaccid effort, Hansel and Gretel Jonah and Ella (real-life sibs Booboo and Fivel Stewart, respectively) play orphan […]
Posted inArts & Culture
Hansel & Gretel
Directed by Anthony C. Ferrante (Headless Horseman), the fractured fairy tale takes place in the modern day, with Hansel (Brent Lydic) and Gretel Grimm (Stephanie Greco) ending up prisoners in the fattening-up forest cabin of Lilith, the town’s seemingly kindly baker who’s actually a witch, played way over-the-top by Dee Wallace Stone, a long ways […]
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Supernatural Activity
The gist is that for its season/series finale, one of those ridiculous ghost-hunting shows goes to Hicksville, Texas, in search of the “yeti-demon” known as Smallsquatch. To give you an immediate idea of the level of humor the flick operates, the creature tickles its victims to death. Ha-ha! I mean, ha-ha? This flimsy setup allows […]
Posted inMusic
Tuff enuff
Few album covers capture a sound as well as King Tuff did on his self-titled disc in May: A demonic bat clutches a Gibson guitar in one claw, a wizard’s wand in the other, with “King Tuff” scrawled across the creature’s chest in a font that merges “Puff, the Magic Dragon” with The Dark Crystal. […]
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Monster Brawl
If the answer is “yes,” then the feature film Monster Brawl was made for you. If you let it, watching it can be a ball. Just know going in it offers neither plot nor story — it’s a series of bouts in the ring, pure and simple, with eight monstrosities summoned from around the globe […]
Posted inArts & Culture
Archie Meets KISS
But who should follow these beasts from another dimension? Why, Gene Simmons and his bandmates, who proclaim, “We’re gonna rock those monsters back where they came from!!” (Double exclamation points theirs.) Therefore, the excellent title of Archie Meets KISS is fulfilled — certainly the greatest team-up in comics history since 1994’s Archie Meets the Punisher. […]