Chicken-Fried News prides itself on being courteous and conscientious drivers, which means staffers don’t take group selfies while driving and we wait until we get home to fire up the hibachi. In contrast, one Oklahoma City motorist went dude-bro bonkers in Cleveland County on Nov. 13, broadcasting his getaway from law enforcement on Facebook Live.
According to NewsOK.com, Brenton James Hager, 25, fired up the ol’ smart phone for something stupid, narrating his high-speed chase on social media. During the chase, Hager could be heard yelling at fellow drivers as he blasted down surface roads in Oklahoma and Cleveland counties for nearly three hours.
“Hey! You don’t see me on a high-speed chase? I’m in a high-speed chase, bro,” Hager said during the stream, and based on his use of the term “bro,” CFN infers that he was applying Axe Body Spray and listening to The Chainsmokers at the time.
Hager also informed viewers when he ran red lights and avoided spike strips that law enforcement laid in the road.
“You didn’t get your spike strips out fast enough, homie,” he said.
Hey, as Damon Wayans told us in the ’90s, homie don’t play that, as in “Homie don’t play Facebook Live while homie is driving, homie.”
After Hager tried to T-bone a deputy’s car, everything came to a wet end when he plowed the stolen Ford F-250 into a pond in southwest OKC. When Hager tried to flee the pond, a deputy hit him with a Taser, and he now faces multiple felony charges. No word on whether Hager said, “Don’t Tase me, bro,” because that would be too perfect.
This article appears in Nov 22-28, 2017.