Had I been watching it at home, alone, on a dark and stormy night, my neck likely would be sore by the end of it, from making repeated glances behind the couch — you know, just to be safe. It’s this year’s Insidious: well-built, respectful of audience members’ intelligence and yet genuinely freaky. Ethan Hawke […]
blu-ray
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Rock of Ages
Taking place in the hair-metal heyday of 1987, Rock of Ages jumps from Broadway to the big screen, and lands on its face with a thud. If it’s not the year’s most misbegotten big-studio project, I don’t wish to be exposed to what is. Talking and singing in a baby voice akin to nails on […]
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Something Big
Its unconventional, icky premise is that Baker really, really wants to get his hands on a Gatling gun, and black-market man Johnny Cobb (Albert Salmi, Caddyshack) really, really wants to get his hands on a woman, so Cobb proposes a trade: Bring him a woman, and he’ll give Baker a Gatling gun. See, it’s been […]
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Flying Swords of Dragon Gate
Lately — and all too quietly — the Indomina label has been releasing some excellent packages of Asian action films I’m afraid otherwise would go unseen by North American audiences: True Legend, Detective Dee and the Mystery of the Phantom Flame and now, Flying Swords of Dragon Gate. Apparently a sequel and/or semi-remake of 1992’s […]
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Hypothermia
Essentially a six-person play, the film by writer/director James Felix McKenney concerns two groups of people ice-fishing and a creature lurking underneath that sheet. One is a family fronted by Michael Rooker (TV’s The Walking Dead) and Blanche Baker (Sixteen Candles); the other infringes on their territory, so you know one of them will be […]
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Back from Hell
Presented as four days of a taped holiday — because apparently, that’s what young people do — the movie follows a handful of pals who vacay together, screw around with a Ouija board and eat shish kabob outdoors. In other words, not a Hell of a lot happens beyond the occasional person screaming from outside. […]
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Chained
After catching a movie, a woman (Julia Ormond, TV’s Mad Men) and her young son (Evan Bird, TV’s The Killing) take a cab to get home, but the cabbie isn’t really a cabbie. He’s Bob (Vincent D’Onofrio, Full Metal Jacket), a lisping serial killer of “whores.” Bob offs the mom, but keeps the kid as […]
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Dark Shadows
Sporting spindly fingers à la 1922’s Nosferatu, Johnny Depp’s 18th-century vampire character of Barnabas Collins rises from the grave in 1972 where he’s puzzled by the high-tech times of television sets and breakfast waffles. He settles in with his descendants at their dreary Collinwood mansion, headed by matriarch Elizabeth (Michelle Pfeiffer, who gets lovelier each […]
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Iron Sky
The Nazis mistake the landing as a prelude to an invasion, so the Third Reich prepares to strike the earth before the earth can strike it. Iron Sky has all the makings of a big batch of poor taste. Instead, it’s an inspired goof of a spoof that bridges the worlds of highbrow and lowbrow […]
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Weird-Noir
In true B-programmer form, let’s run through each with sterling efficiency: Girl on the Run (1953) This may be the only noir set at a carnival with a burlesque show featuring a tummy-rifiic dancer in a Catwoman mask. In fact, I’m counting on it. Cops are there searching for Bill Martin (Richard Coogan, TV’s Captain […]