The world of 2013, however, is a mighty different landscape; Escape Plan bombed. That’s too bad, because it’s pretty good for what it sets out to be: a big, dumb action movie, in the style of its stars’ big, dumb bread-and-butter recipe of yesteryear. Stallone’s Breslin works as a security expert hired to go undercover […]
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Judges Creed
Not too long ago, someone who works at Oklahoma Gazette asked, “Does anyone in Oklahoma City make movies besides Mickey Reece?” My answer was, “Of course,” supplemented with several caveats, one of which is that the local filmmaker generally makes more feature films in a year than my parents see within the same time frame. […]
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Young Detective Dee: Rise of the Sea Dragon
Therefore, no one blames Hark for wanting to mine Dee for franchise potential. Unfortunately, the result is the kind of unfocused, overindulgent mess that saw the shine wear off his reputation in the first place. With Mark Chao taking over the part, Young Detective Dee: Rise of the Sea Dragon is a prequel concerning the […]
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Scorned
Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar; here, it’s just one of many atrocities suffered by his rich-guy character when his girlfriend, Sadie (AnnaLynne McCord, TV’s rebooted 90210), discovers he has been cheating on her — and with her own BFF (Viva Bianca, TV’s Spartacus), no less! Over one rainy night and long off her […]
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The Conjuring / Insidious: Chapter 2
This summer, the smash of The Conjuring crowned him king. Based on a “true” case file of paranormal investigators Ed and Lorraine Warren (if you believe bunk to be true), the film begins with perhaps the most frightening doll in cinema history — or at least since Poltergeist — and things just grow creepier from […]
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Carrie / Dario Argento’s Dracula 3D
His split-screen treatment of the senior-prom carnage becomes her condensed Final Destination sequel; his shock ending becomes her anti-bullying message. Pay no mind that the entire story is already that, with outcast Carrie White (Chloë Grace Moretz, Kick-Ass 2) becoming even more of a social punching bag after she mistakes her first menstruation as bleeding […]
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The Black Water Vampire
You aren’t likely to read a review of The Black Water Vampire that doesn’t reference The Blair Witch Project, and there’s good reason: That 1999 smash’s fingerprints are all over this found-footage effort, to the point that I could show you select stills from both and you wouldn’t be able to tell which belongs to […]
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We Are What We Are
From Stake Land director Jim Mickle, this American do-over finds its fever in a religious fervor, with scripture-quoting sourpuss Frank Parker (Bill Sage, Precious) mourning the accidental death of his wife. That tragedy leaves their eldest daughter, Iris (Ambyr Childers, The Master), in the unenviable position of assuming the family duty of … let’s just […]
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Badges of Fury
OK, so that’s not really a joke. It is the setup for Badges of Fury, an Asian film that is a joke. Investigating this string of so-called “Smile Murders” are two police detectives: the grizzled old pro (Jet Li, The Expendables 2) and the young renegade (Zhang Wen, The Guillotines). Having Li in a film used to be a surefire […]
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A Single Shot
Shot‘s sights are set on John (Sam Rockwell), a dirt-poor hunter who mistakes a young woman for a deer — not necessarily a negative except that a trigger was involved and John’s aim is true. When he tends to her dead body, he finds a lot of cash next to her and assumes it won’t be missed. […]