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When I was 19, I did Outward Bound, a wilderness survival course designed to make a man out of me. For 24 winter days, my team and I camped and traveled through New Hampshire’s White Mountains. Near the end of the ordeal, we were each required to do a three-day “solo” experience, during which time […]

There’s plain old everyday lightning, which travels about five miles, and then there are superbolts — strokes of lightning that are a hundred times stronger than a normal flash and that can travel over 100 miles. In the coming weeks, Aries, your power levels could be more like these superbolts than your usual output. I […]

The three tasks I think you should work on in the coming week are among the hardest any human being can attempt. Luckily, you now have an unusually strong aptitude for them, and are likely to receive unexpected assistance if you’re brave enough to plunge ahead. Here they are. Interrupt and overthrow negative trains of […]

As reported in UK’s Mirror, South African game warden Alex Larenty made a dramatic display of the trust he engenders among the animals under his care. Sidling up from behind to a full-grown male lion named Jamu, Larenty lightly grasped the beast’s balls and held on for a while. Jamu did not protest. I invite […]

Please do not snort meth in a hot-air balloon with fake Peruvian shamans as you fly to a secret CIA fortress where you put on a mask and play strip poker with high-ranking members of the conspiracy to create one world government. APRIL FOOL! There’s no way you’ll be invited to a whacked-out spectacle like […]

Don’t you think it’s time you toned down your manic aspirations? Aren’t you curious about the sweet, sensitive success that could be yours if only you got really calm and peaceful? Wouldn’t it be interesting to explore the more manageable opportunities that might become available by accepting your limitations with humble equanimity? APRIL FOOL! Don’t […]

I predict that sometime soon you will time-travel to 2012 and then return to the present.  While on your journey, you’ll learn the outcome of three major sports events that will happen between now and then. This knowledge will eventually help you win large bets that earn you millions of dollars. APRIL FOOL! I lied. […]

Sometime in the next week, the spirits of Nostradamus, Edgar Cayce, John the Baptist, and Jean-Paul Sartre will come to you in a vision to tell you how to prosper during the coming Great Depression. With their expert tips you will spend the years 2010-2013 safe and sound and well-fed in a gated community while […]

I’m definitely not encouraging you to go to Youtube and watch the music video of the hamster eating popcorn on a piano. You’ve got more important things to do, and shouldn’t waste your time on trivial diversions. So get down to business! Commit your whole being to the crucial work you have ahead of you! […]

Maybe someday you will allow yourself to act more like an Aries. You know, you’ll barge ahead along a path of your own making. You’ll follow the siren call of your good instincts instead of the waffling questions of your fine mind. You’ll relish the scary sounds from up ahead as potential opportunities to triumph […]