In the prologue, we’re introduced to high school nerd Schmidt (Jonah Hill, Moneyball) and his dumb-jock tormenter, Jenko (Channing Tatum, Magic Mike). Seven years later, both enroll in the police academy, and form an unlikely friendship by helping each other get through. At graduation, they barely can contain their excitement about a law-enforcement career: “Get […]
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American Animal
• watch porn• smoke pot• smoke cigarettes• have sex• stage Christmas• dance• spit blood• have sex again• change into a bunch of “funny” costumes• speak in “funny” invented languages That more or less doubles as a plot summary for the no-budget comedy (drama?). Matt D’Elia serves as writer (improviser?), director and center as Jimmy, a […]
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The Hunter
Willem Dafoe (John Carter) assumes the title role as Martin David, an expert hunter who’s hired by a shadowy mega-corporation in Europe to acquire the Tasmanian tiger for them in the Australia wilds. Although thought to be extinct, the animal is rumored to have been sighted recently, making it perhaps the last one in existence. […]
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Crime Does Not Pay: The Complete Shorts Collection (1935-1947)
Roughly 20 minutes apiece, give or take, these rare scare films are hosted by a guy (or guys, as the identity changes; one has a lazy eye) introducing himself straight to the camera as only “the MGM reporter.” He interviews presumably real-life experts about criminal activities, and then we’re treated to a lengthy re-enactment of […]
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God Bless America
Frank (Joel Murray, TV’s Mad Men) is tired. Of everything. But mostly how stupid and how ignorant and superficial his fellow Americans have become, how incapable they are of face-to-face conversation, how the only things they seem to believe in are shallow platitudes and singing competitions, how spoiled and disrespectful they allow their children to […]
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Red Scorpion
Nearly two years later, Synapse Films comes to the rescue, not only bringing it back on DVD, but debuting it on Blu-ray — and in an uncensored cut, no less! Now that I’ve watched it, I can say with certainty it’s the best action movie ever produced by a notorious federal felon (Jack Abramoff, who […]
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Back from Eternity
Had I known that, I may not have even given the Warner Archive release a shot, but I was suckered in by its cover. Utilizing artwork from the film’s original 1956 release, it depicts a super-sexy, RTF visage of Anita Ekberg (Call Me Bwana, The Killer Nun) staring straight at the viewer. The tagline: “Ooh […]
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Wrath of the Titans
The irony, naturally, is that Wrath is the superior picture. Not only was it actually intended to be 3-D from the green light, but the script made more sense. With fewer titans clashing about, this follow-up is far easier to, well, follow. Perseus (Sam Worthington, Avatar, Texas Killing Fields) has chosen not to live as […]
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The Disco Exorcist
Opening with a disclaimer that the producers have no memory of making the motion picture, the indie feature obviously revels in that era of exploitation, immediately passing itself off as a ’70s no-budget, B-horror pic as authentically as it can: heavily embedded grain and scratches, a couple of “SHOT MISSING” frames, reel-to-reel tape decks, lava […]
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The FP
The credo of 248 leader JTRO (Jason Trost, who co-wrote and co-directed with his brother, Brandon) is “We roll together, we die together.” That’s tested when JTRO vows never to play again after BTRO dies during a rather heated Beat-off (go ahead, snicker) against 245 head L Dubba E (Lee Valmassy), and disappears. A year […]